Session number 1 complete...

Hey lovelies,

So I just got back from my counciling session. My councilor is awesome.

From the get go I was comfortable with her. Just this one session helped me and my husband. We will be doing individual and couples counciling.

I told her everything I could from my childhood listening to my parents fight, to my adolescent age which was filled with depression, my self medicated ways of coping, how therapy helped me for a while but it was talking nothing that made a big impact, to me moving out, my drug phase, my party stage, my complications with my marriage and even what I know from my husbands background...

The conclusion was such, I was codependent, I have depression still, a new found anxiety, and I have a Chameleon personality disorder because deep down I do not know who I am. Me and my husband are suffering from PTSD from traumatic experiences in our childhood/ adolescents to just before our son was born.

We never dealt with those. My husband has anxiety and self medicates with alcohol which is never good. Me and my husband have never faced our issues just swept them and hide them and trained our minds to forget the horrors so we don't have to feel pain. Which only builds more issues and pain.

My husband has control issues and I am used to being a follower. Our wonderful therapist is going to help us cope with our PTSD, help me find who I am, who we are as a couple, and help me become independent and strong.

I'm so happy I found this place and look forward to our weekly sessions. I feel better just from this one session.

When it all falls down.... how do you build it back up.?

Hey lovelies,

So here is me getting sappy again. I came to a recent realization with my husband.... maybe we are at the end. After 6 years together, 1 of those being marriage, and 3 kids later. We just are not the same. Not that we started out great.

I know a lot of you especially my friends or those who follow my Fb your thinking several things...

I thought you guys were doing amazing.? Well doesn't surprise me look at your past? Well I have know your husband a long time and we all know he was never going to change? Well your past caught up with you Kiera.... or for those who see my vent in my awesome mommy group full of awesome ladies all with similarities to my own, and differences to my own. I respect these women because they different from me and they have so much I can learn from even when I don't always agree with what they have to say.... You need to run as fast as you can and leave him, it's better for you.

Unfortunately I have always been the type of person to shine out my issues and drama rather then shine out my positives.

Maybe it has a lot to do with my depression. Reason I say that is because Therapy helped me so much. Yes a part helped that I was on the generic Prozac too.When I left home at 18 yo I took myself off of 3 years of therapy and antidepressants and replaced it with partying and drinking.

My husband tends to be manipulative and recently been emotionally downing to me. I will not call it abusing because to me its a harsh word. Call me a softie (or worse) for sugar coating that word. But I personally think after therapy classes and psychology classes (I mainly too to help me understand depression and anxiety, since being diagnosed with it it sparked and interest in how the mind works with mental disorders)

People can be abusive and not realize it. Just like people are naturally flirty, or sometimes things can and will slip out of your mouth without you realizing it.

As much as I would love to say I know my husband, I don't. I have no clue what is going on in his head because even though I called a lot of the events before they happened I could have just been inviting that negativity through Law of Attraction.

But I have no clue what my husband has going on in his life stress wise, what he is feeling towards our relationship, what he see's for a future because honestly... and this will sound bad... I don't ask him. When we fight I tell him I don't want to hear about his work day, even though that may be why he is upset, or why he is stressed out. I vent a lot and realized I vent because I don't feel (please any of my friends and family who read this don't take this wrong I mean well I do I love ya'll but this is the truth) like I can trust them. I have had so many people not care, or they have things in their life I don't want to burden them with, or I want a positive response like I give other people, but some people are just plain old negative people, they can say "I'm just being honest" or "I'm a stern person"... I respect those people but I guess I'm just a softie like this, I feel that even if I don't agree and they have such negativity in their life I will not pollute their world anymore then they have already, I will just say wish you the best in life.... call it a day.

Me and my husband's marriage is falling apart. My husband was unfaithful to me in 2011, he knows it was wrong and beats himself up over it. Which is probably part of his problems he doesn't want to face that horrible part of our lives. My fear is stopping me from putting 100% trust into him. He has problems trusting me for me lying. We both got with other people and I lied about who I was with in our break up. But I felt that it was none of his business seeing he was in another relationship. Instead of being honest I did the wrong thing and lied for almost 2 years.

I've heard it all...

I don't see why your with him, You don't respect yourself, Your letting him abuse you, I know your scared but leaving is your best option, I believe in exhausting all your options before you leave, Good luck hope it works out, It's not going to work, Maybe you need to separate, Your setting a bad example for your children. You knew who he was before you married him and married him anyways.

I may get kicked out of my mommy group, and it's mostly my fault for venting, but I got negative comments even when I posted something happy.... SOME OF YOU GUYS ARE NEGATIVE PEOPLE!

If someone needs to vent and say they are having issues why tear them down more and cover up your bitchy attitude with "I'm a stern person" or "I'm just being direct and honest" No... You are being emotionally abusive and not realizing it.Your being a bitch and sugar coating it to your liking. Being honest, stern, direct, and being rude are different. If you cannot tell the difference then I'm sorry you do not need to open your mouth because your the type of person that makes people who feel bad feel worse and your just as bad as an emotional abuser. Your trying to make someone feel horrible or worse. If it's not your decision to make then when a person makes their decision either say good luck to you, or I'll be praying for you.

But once you realize they have nothing nice to say to anyone then you know its not just you they have unresolved issues themselves. I feel that if you make a group that's meant for other mother's to get help or have a safe haven, then the first thing is take the negativity people out of it. Even if that includes me since I vent a lot more then post the positive, but I am in general a negative person most of the time. Blame it on my depression Baby!

There is such a thing as being honest and not being rude. Sure call it sugar coating.

Me and my husband have came up with a plan but mostly it involves working on ourselves before working on us as a couple. We clearly have issues that hit deep down we need to resolve. Taking baby steps is still doing more then the people who troll you on FB waiting to spout a rude comment and tear you down more. What's they saying if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. I'm showing my kids we can co-exists and still be a family while working on ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with that. If it doesn't work it doesn't work, if it does then fantastic, I'm at the point in my life where my business is out there when I want it. Help is no longer help because people you vent to either don't care or love the rise they get from "telling you like it is" which is childish and petty.

This post is the kick off to how to build things back up when they have been torn down completely. It's hard to do that when you have no clue where to start. My first step is I had a long brutally honest and emotional conversation. I gave him every emotion I had and even when it hurt him I was honest (but polite about it). I set up an appointment for me to see a therapist. There is something in me I need to figure out, I am not even sure who I am anymore so how do I expect to fix my marriage. I went from living with my parents and having rules, to living in a house with my boyfriend and becoming a mom. I never ventured out single with no kids, lived by myself, and tried to figure out who I was before going from a child living under someones rules to being a parent and being a wife. Who am I?

This is day 1. I will be posting after my therapy session today on what my session opened my eyes to. Please do not think that it's stupid to talk to someone, or there is lost hope, or nothing they can do. They are professional and here to help you figure out what is going on and understand what you want and who you are when you can't focus. This is step 1 on this bumpy crazy journey. Continue to see how my plans unravel. Will it work.? Will it not work.? Let's see shall we...

builttoinspire.com

Latest Music Artist You Don't Want To Miss...

Hey Lovelies,

Lets take a moment here and think of all the music artists you love listening to.

You got them in mind? Great!

Now what is it about that artist that you love? Is it the genre of music? The beat's of their songs? Was it just love at first listen and it stuck with you? Or your like me and at first you really don't think you like it so you have to play it another 3 times and eventually you find that being the ONLY song you listen to for a month.

Do you love the lyrics? Do they say something that your feeling or have been through.? Maybe the artist is just extremely drop dead gorgeous with a voice that is even more gorgeous?

What ever it may be, I have one person that anyone could like. I'm saying this because even my husband likes a song or 2 of his. My 5yo and 3 year old hum his tunes and sing along with the songs on youtube. My (almost) 1 year old claps and screams YAY, during his songs.

Do I have your attention yet? Fantastic

Oh yea did I mention he is on the drop dead gorgeous with and even amazing voice category I mentioned earlier?

It's Mr. Kane Brown.

I follow about every social media account of his because I want to be updated on his new singles coming out, new music videos, anything new he has coming out.

Well he aint so bad to look at either in them selfies lol ;)

But his music is just so touching, emotional, and honestly not to sound like a crazy person but I usually have it on repeat in my office because it helps me think. Not really sure why maybe because it's fresh, its catchy, and honestly I have been through the same things he sings about. His lyrics really speak to me.

I would listen to it even if I never knew what he looked like. He has a deep calming voice that literally sent chills down my spine. A lot like Josh Turner and Brantley Gilbert's voice does when I hear their songs.

This artist you are not going to want to miss. I wish I could take the vacation time to go and see him perform in person but unfortunately money needs to be made so I can spend it at a show lol hello who doesn't love concert T-Shirts and especially the beer.?

No matter what words I put together, it just can't describe the amazingness (not that that is a real word but for him I'll use it he is just that freaking awesome!) that you have to experience it yourself.

You can catch him on IG (kanebrown_music), Facebook, or Twitter to

Last note if you haven't seen it already, you'll thank me for this..... The music video for "I Used To Love You Sober"

Don't forget to get you some Kane Brown music. Can be purchased through Amazon, Google Play Store, and Itunes.

Go and check him out you won't be disappointed ;)

My Energico has been tampered with... it now goes by the name Paranoia

Hey loves,

So I am going to get a little deep and a little personal.

I am one who believes in energies, gut feelings, and that sense of just knowing when something is wrong. It never let me down before up until 2011.

I love my husband dearly so please do not get the wrong idea from this post. Me and Chris haven't had the best relationship in the little over 6 years we have been together. We got together in the worst and most weird circumstances.

When I first started coming around him was when I was a Sophomore in high school. My boyfriend and Chris were best friends and that's the first time we ever met. It was no more then a simple 2 letter word...Hi. I would go around his house when he was incarcerated, up until me and my boyfriend at the time split. Yes.... my husband is a bad boy type. Which I was very much attracted too but at the time I didn't even remember his name.

2 years later I met him again. This time we spoke more then a 2 letter word. I thought he was cute but he had to be the cheesiest, most dorky, and scrawny guy I have ever met. His first sentence was "Who are these pretty ladies in my living room". Originally me, a friend of mine, and her cousin wanted to go see someone we knew very well which so happened to be Chris brother, and my ex was there. Later I got a text from Chris. Of course like I said I didn't even remember who he was lol I went up to talk to him and according to my husband we kissed but I don't really remember it.... Sorry hunny.

I ended up turning Chris away and it was more of an attempt to rekindle an old flame. That flame blew up in my face when my ex revealed his new flame to me. So as a revenge I figured to spark it up with his best friend. Yes I know I was 18 and at the time it seems I was not in my right mind... now it makes perfect sense. From the time we hooked up my feelings were instantly wrapped around Chris. My world was turned upside down and for some reason.... I had to have him. He was a drug and I was hooked.

In the years to come Chris has cheated, lied, left, drug me to hell and back, completely tore down everything I was as a person and here I am.... completely remade (not in a bad way I'm not a push over anymore and what others say about me has no affect, I am calmer, and more head strong. Most importantly I am strong and independent) I was left a single mother, pregnant even though I had the IUD birth control in, ended up dealing with a miscarriage on my own, at 19 years old. No job, No car, only education I had was my high school diploma. No matter what he did, I still let him back every time just for him to leave.

The final time he came back he stayed. We are here now 3 years later. for the longest time I would keep him at arms length. I let him back in my home but not completely in my heart. Just my guts and bones told me he needed to be there with me. I had to give him another chance.

We have come such a long way and are still going. We have 3 children, are married, and for the most part we are doing great. Everything is looking up but I have my moments where I swear he will be up to his old tricks with some little trick even though I have no proof he was. It will end up taking something so simple and making into why I think he is being unfaithful again when all it was work related. It eats me up so bad because I swear its my gut feeling and its telling me something but it's nothing but a serious case of Paranoia.

And it's killer! I have ruined surprises because I just don't react well to surprises anymore.

I love my husband. For the last 3 years he has been faithful, loving, caring, great father, romantic. We still have our bickers and stupid arguments. I'm for the most part happy and love who I share my home with. He is my other half no matter what he has done. I have never been 100% an angel myself.

Severe Paranoia can feel like a gut feeling. Through all this I noticed a difference while laying in bed one night....

Paranoia eats you alive. It can and will turn you into a raving lunatic. It will consume you and nag at you in the worse way possible. It's a maybe.

Gut feeling will be precise, it's a "I know" not a maybe. It wont make you scared or guess anything because you just simply know. You don't need proof. Not all gut feelings are good of course.

But I am also a firm believer in The Law of Attraction.... what you think and dwell on with manifest. You keep thinking that same thing over and over and concentrating your energy on it, the Universe will give you what your asking for.

Keep positive my lovelies. I am still working on it a little myself. It's won't happen overnight but you got to start somewhere, why not start right now. Get rid of the unhealthy thoughts and negative energies. Your life is what you make it. Try not to exhaust yourself and drive yourself nuts. Sometimes your gut feeling is nothing but paranoia. You have to take a step back and clearly think about it. <3

Stay beautiful and positive :)

It's Thanksgiving!!

Hey Lovelies!

The awesome day of cooking all day, family and friends gathered around the table, some traveling or already out of town, Whatever it is your doing, don't forget to stop and be thankful for everything in your life.

I have so much to be thankful for. Starting with my awesome kids who never stop to give me a break, I cannot ever seem to go to the bathroom or take a shower by myself, but they make my day with the small things they do from hugs and kisses, to the laughs that make me laugh. My house would be clean, empty, and quiet without them. Especially my furbaby Pandora she has been such a blessing to us and so helpful!

I am thankful for my husband. He isn't a 100% perfect but if he was life would be pretty boring. We don't get along all the time but all the great times seem to make the few bad times disappear. He tries his hardest to do right by me and that makes him pretty damn close to perfect to me! :)

My family and in-laws. They help out so much when we need it and we would be lost without them. With 3 kids and 2 working even the smallest things help so much and we would be in total destruction without them.

Today I do not have to cook. Which I am also thankful for who doesn't like the holidays where the other family members do all the cooking and there are no dishes to really do.

I do on the other hand have so many stuff I am cooking. With a little help from Law of Attraction and my dream board this time next year I will be doing the cooking and hosting of the holidays in our new home. This year it was kind of hard to do that with the whole family in a 2 bedroom apartment.

Everyone enjoy your Thanksgiving, enjoy the food, the time together, safe travels to the ones who will be traveling back home! Definitely stop to remember everything you are Thankful for :)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!

(Images thanks to Google) 

My new favorite beauty item that my kids enjoy too!

Hey lovelies,

So I have the worst acne issue ever and dry skin in patches on my face when winter hits. It's embarrassing for me because the acne is small but there are tons in one spot and its always under my eyes and on my cheeks, chin and neck. I also have the worst problem with acne on my chest and back. My really bad dry skin is a patch on the corner of my nose and also one in the outer corner of my left eye.

My kids also have really bad dry skin on their shoulders and legs.

I have been searching and searching for an antibacterial soap for all of us that would be great for the acne and dry skin. I know dial had some body wash but for some reason every store I went into no longer has the antibacterial dial body wash.

I trailed down the beauty aisle thinking something had to be here to help. I usually don't buy things down the skin care aisle because I love Aveda products they are the best thing in the world. I also have done my research and found that more people have issues from a lot of drugstore skin care brands because even some name brand items are made to break out your skin the longer you use them, so you buy their products more often.

I came across Cetaphil brand portion of the skin care and found the antibacterial soap bars and figured why not. It was $9 for a pack of 3. From the first time I used it I instantly felt an amazing difference. My skin felt clean, soft, and taken care of. Like the soap was meant for my skin.

My acne was instantly less inflamed and red. Bonus is it took my make up off amazingly with no traces of anything. The soap is extremely creamy and moisturizing. i used it on my kids and they cannot get enough of it. They will grab it and hand it to me first thing when they get into the tub.

The dry patches are not all the way gone but it has definitely improved it as well as calmed the redness from the patches as well. It smells AMAZING, like I said my new favorite beauty product my acne from head to toe has went from embarrassing to maybe one or 2 here and there.

I highly recommend this heavenly product and I myself will be buying more from this brand.

The only down fall to this is that for naturally dry skin types it is not extremely moisturizing you do need to put a moisturizer meant for dry skin on after it but it does help it a lot in putting some moisture back in it.

I'M BACCCCCCCK!!!!!!

Hello Lovelies!

I know it has been quite some time that I haven't posted anything. I have been taking blogging boot camps and seminars to make sure I make this the best it can be. I love that I started this blog but I know that it wasn't all it needed to be.

On top of that I have exciting news... I have also taken some time away because all the schooling I told you guys about in my post College and Babies, paid off. I am ecstatic to say I am a full time working mom. I got a job at my local Cardiology Specialist Office here that is affiliated with one of our local hospitals.

To say the least it has been extremely hard juggling a work life, bettering my blog life, fixing a marriage that was, to say the least, in a rough patch and falling apart, a mom life, and keeping our home tidy and in one piece.

Working has been amazing I get out of the house, I have an office to myself, even though it's work I get quiet time away from the screaming of kids, because I work at a medical office I get free lunches so it saves us some money. The main thing I love is the benefits. My son is doing much better with his speech thanks to a wonderful daycare and daycare owner is the best!

My marriage has been better because I am not stuck in the house with my only conversations being with a 5 year old and her imagination HAHA. I am also bringing in more money and we are not aggravated from struggling and living paycheck to paycheck with only enough money to make it by we have that little extra bit for fun things and able to start crossing off our need's and wants lists.

But, with all these fabulous things there are downfalls... BUM BUM BUUUUUUM. Sorry dramatic effect.

I have only had 1 half paycheck and 1 full paycheck from my job, so of course our bills are backed up and slowly being caught up. As great as daycare is and helping my kids SOOO much it does cost a lot to have 2 children in daycare and this is the most affordable, wonderful, clean in-home daycare I have seen and my kids LOVE the owners and her family because her family helps her out with the daycare.

The daycare (mind you I said most affordable) costs us $1,000 a month. Which is a great price especially considering it is clean, safe, and amazing people work there who truly love and care about the children when there was a place that was an academy was $875 per child, with over $500 extra in costs. My son being ADHD and extremely hyper he did not have the behavior skills to go there.

It has been a struggle being away from my babies, it's been a struggle to pay bills for right now because all jobs cost you in the beginning but pay off as time goes on, I love my job, I won amazing Younique pigments from one of those online parties so definitely do that if you have the chance, I have so much more for you guys thank you for those who have been patient with me :D

Oh yeah and I dyed my hair black! Why.? The red was so gorgeous!! Yes, unfortunately my job doesn't approve of those bright colors on hair so I had to change it. Career Career Career and helping my family was a sacrifice I was willing to make :)

            (from Ink361- Bossbabe Inc.)