Hey lovelies,
So here is me getting sappy again. I came to a recent realization with my husband.... maybe we are at the end. After 6 years together, 1 of those being marriage, and 3 kids later. We just are not the same. Not that we started out great.
I know a lot of you especially my friends or those who follow my Fb your thinking several things...
I thought you guys were doing amazing.? Well doesn't surprise me look at your past? Well I have know your husband a long time and we all know he was never going to change? Well your past caught up with you Kiera.... or for those who see my vent in my awesome mommy group full of awesome ladies all with similarities to my own, and differences to my own. I respect these women because they different from me and they have so much I can learn from even when I don't always agree with what they have to say.... You need to run as fast as you can and leave him, it's better for you.
Unfortunately I have always been the type of person to shine out my issues and drama rather then shine out my positives.
Maybe it has a lot to do with my depression. Reason I say that is because Therapy helped me so much. Yes a part helped that I was on the generic Prozac too.When I left home at 18 yo I took myself off of 3 years of therapy and antidepressants and replaced it with partying and drinking.
My husband tends to be manipulative and recently been emotionally downing to me. I will not call it abusing because to me its a harsh word. Call me a softie (or worse) for sugar coating that word. But I personally think after therapy classes and psychology classes (I mainly too to help me understand depression and anxiety, since being diagnosed with it it sparked and interest in how the mind works with mental disorders)
People can be abusive and not realize it. Just like people are naturally flirty, or sometimes things can and will slip out of your mouth without you realizing it.
As much as I would love to say I know my husband, I don't. I have no clue what is going on in his head because even though I called a lot of the events before they happened I could have just been inviting that negativity through Law of Attraction.
But I have no clue what my husband has going on in his life stress wise, what he is feeling towards our relationship, what he see's for a future because honestly... and this will sound bad... I don't ask him. When we fight I tell him I don't want to hear about his work day, even though that may be why he is upset, or why he is stressed out. I vent a lot and realized I vent because I don't feel (please any of my friends and family who read this don't take this wrong I mean well I do I love ya'll but this is the truth) like I can trust them. I have had so many people not care, or they have things in their life I don't want to burden them with, or I want a positive response like I give other people, but some people are just plain old negative people, they can say "I'm just being honest" or "I'm a stern person"... I respect those people but I guess I'm just a softie like this, I feel that even if I don't agree and they have such negativity in their life I will not pollute their world anymore then they have already, I will just say wish you the best in life.... call it a day.
Me and my husband's marriage is falling apart. My husband was unfaithful to me in 2011, he knows it was wrong and beats himself up over it. Which is probably part of his problems he doesn't want to face that horrible part of our lives. My fear is stopping me from putting 100% trust into him. He has problems trusting me for me lying. We both got with other people and I lied about who I was with in our break up. But I felt that it was none of his business seeing he was in another relationship. Instead of being honest I did the wrong thing and lied for almost 2 years.
I've heard it all...
I don't see why your with him, You don't respect yourself, Your letting him abuse you, I know your scared but leaving is your best option, I believe in exhausting all your options before you leave, Good luck hope it works out, It's not going to work, Maybe you need to separate, Your setting a bad example for your children. You knew who he was before you married him and married him anyways.
I may get kicked out of my mommy group, and it's mostly my fault for venting, but I got negative comments even when I posted something happy.... SOME OF YOU GUYS ARE NEGATIVE PEOPLE!
If someone needs to vent and say they are having issues why tear them down more and cover up your bitchy attitude with "I'm a stern person" or "I'm just being direct and honest" No... You are being emotionally abusive and not realizing it.Your being a bitch and sugar coating it to your liking. Being honest, stern, direct, and being rude are different. If you cannot tell the difference then I'm sorry you do not need to open your mouth because your the type of person that makes people who feel bad feel worse and your just as bad as an emotional abuser. Your trying to make someone feel horrible or worse. If it's not your decision to make then when a person makes their decision either say good luck to you, or I'll be praying for you.
But once you realize they have nothing nice to say to anyone then you know its not just you they have unresolved issues themselves. I feel that if you make a group that's meant for other mother's to get help or have a safe haven, then the first thing is take the negativity people out of it. Even if that includes me since I vent a lot more then post the positive, but I am in general a negative person most of the time. Blame it on my depression Baby!
There is such a thing as being honest and not being rude. Sure call it sugar coating.
Me and my husband have came up with a plan but mostly it involves working on ourselves before working on us as a couple. We clearly have issues that hit deep down we need to resolve. Taking baby steps is still doing more then the people who troll you on FB waiting to spout a rude comment and tear you down more. What's they saying if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. I'm showing my kids we can co-exists and still be a family while working on ourselves.
There is nothing wrong with that. If it doesn't work it doesn't work, if it does then fantastic, I'm at the point in my life where my business is out there when I want it. Help is no longer help because people you vent to either don't care or love the rise they get from "telling you like it is" which is childish and petty.
This post is the kick off to how to build things back up when they have been torn down completely. It's hard to do that when you have no clue where to start. My first step is I had a long brutally honest and emotional conversation. I gave him every emotion I had and even when it hurt him I was honest (but polite about it). I set up an appointment for me to see a therapist. There is something in me I need to figure out, I am not even sure who I am anymore so how do I expect to fix my marriage. I went from living with my parents and having rules, to living in a house with my boyfriend and becoming a mom. I never ventured out single with no kids, lived by myself, and tried to figure out who I was before going from a child living under someones rules to being a parent and being a wife. Who am I?
This is day 1. I will be posting after my therapy session today on what my session opened my eyes to. Please do not think that it's stupid to talk to someone, or there is lost hope, or nothing they can do. They are professional and here to help you figure out what is going on and understand what you want and who you are when you can't focus. This is step 1 on this bumpy crazy journey. Continue to see how my plans unravel. Will it work.? Will it not work.? Let's see shall we...
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