So I am going to get a little deep and a little personal.
I am one who believes in energies, gut feelings, and that sense of just knowing when something is wrong. It never let me down before up until 2011.
I love my husband dearly so please do not get the wrong idea from this post. Me and Chris haven't had the best relationship in the little over 6 years we have been together. We got together in the worst and most weird circumstances.
When I first started coming around him was when I was a Sophomore in high school. My boyfriend and Chris were best friends and that's the first time we ever met. It was no more then a simple 2 letter word...Hi. I would go around his house when he was incarcerated, up until me and my boyfriend at the time split. Yes.... my husband is a bad boy type. Which I was very much attracted too but at the time I didn't even remember his name.
2 years later I met him again. This time we spoke more then a 2 letter word. I thought he was cute but he had to be the cheesiest, most dorky, and scrawny guy I have ever met. His first sentence was "Who are these pretty ladies in my living room". Originally me, a friend of mine, and her cousin wanted to go see someone we knew very well which so happened to be Chris brother, and my ex was there. Later I got a text from Chris. Of course like I said I didn't even remember who he was lol I went up to talk to him and according to my husband we kissed but I don't really remember it.... Sorry hunny.
I ended up turning Chris away and it was more of an attempt to rekindle an old flame. That flame blew up in my face when my ex revealed his new flame to me. So as a revenge I figured to spark it up with his best friend. Yes I know I was 18 and at the time it seems I was not in my right mind... now it makes perfect sense. From the time we hooked up my feelings were instantly wrapped around Chris. My world was turned upside down and for some reason.... I had to have him. He was a drug and I was hooked.
In the years to come Chris has cheated, lied, left, drug me to hell and back, completely tore down everything I was as a person and here I am.... completely remade (not in a bad way I'm not a push over anymore and what others say about me has no affect, I am calmer, and more head strong. Most importantly I am strong and independent) I was left a single mother, pregnant even though I had the IUD birth control in, ended up dealing with a miscarriage on my own, at 19 years old. No job, No car, only education I had was my high school diploma. No matter what he did, I still let him back every time just for him to leave.
The final time he came back he stayed. We are here now 3 years later. for the longest time I would keep him at arms length. I let him back in my home but not completely in my heart. Just my guts and bones told me he needed to be there with me. I had to give him another chance.
We have come such a long way and are still going. We have 3 children, are married, and for the most part we are doing great. Everything is looking up but I have my moments where I swear he will be up to his old tricks with some little trick even though I have no proof he was. It will end up taking something so simple and making into why I think he is being unfaithful again when all it was work related. It eats me up so bad because I swear its my gut feeling and its telling me something but it's nothing but a serious case of Paranoia.
And it's killer! I have ruined surprises because I just don't react well to surprises anymore.
I love my husband. For the last 3 years he has been faithful, loving, caring, great father, romantic. We still have our bickers and stupid arguments. I'm for the most part happy and love who I share my home with. He is my other half no matter what he has done. I have never been 100% an angel myself.
Severe Paranoia can feel like a gut feeling. Through all this I noticed a difference while laying in bed one night....
Paranoia eats you alive. It can and will turn you into a raving lunatic. It will consume you and nag at you in the worse way possible. It's a maybe.
Gut feeling will be precise, it's a "I know" not a maybe. It wont make you scared or guess anything because you just simply know. You don't need proof. Not all gut feelings are good of course.
But I am also a firm believer in The Law of Attraction.... what you think and dwell on with manifest. You keep thinking that same thing over and over and concentrating your energy on it, the Universe will give you what your asking for.
Keep positive my lovelies. I am still working on it a little myself. It's won't happen overnight but you got to start somewhere, why not start right now. Get rid of the unhealthy thoughts and negative energies. Your life is what you make it. Try not to exhaust yourself and drive yourself nuts. Sometimes your gut feeling is nothing but paranoia. You have to take a step back and clearly think about it. <3
Stay beautiful and positive :)
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