When it all falls down: Recap Session 2

They lovelies,

I have finally slowed down after all the crazy hustle and bustle of the Holiday season.

Work has been swamped since more patients are coming in with heart and chest issues due to the stresses that come with the holidays. So while I have your attention....

Stress is killer! As hard as it is try to make you time in all the crazy holiday decorating and house full or family.

Here is a recap I wasn't able to do about the current situation in my marriage.

My husband and I were able to go in and see my (now our) therapist. We are now in a couples therapy together.

It helped because not only did it put into perspective that when my husband was unfaithful almost 5 years ago it wasn't because of me. It gave me a self relief because the entire time my main questions since it all happened was "What did I do wrong to make him do this?"

Answer was simple I didnt do anything. Everyone has their coping methods of dealing with stress and that just so happened to be my husbands rebellion to growing up and having his world changed from party boy/Hugh Heffner life to daddy and husband life. He was scared.

I can understand that but that fear is still there. In my head. Well fear is a strong word... More like the memory, is burned in the back of my mind.

Bright side was we were able to let a lot of things out that we were scaresd to get out to each other and get things explained to us better. Its easier to understand things and really was able to change the way I see some things and how I'm dealing with current situations. So it definitely helped to get us in there, for now.

We haven't been able to go back yet to see our therapist due to holiday season but she promised to help us, whether that we be together or split, and I'm sort of excited to see what she has in store for us as individuals and as a couple.

Session number 1 complete...

Hey lovelies,

So I just got back from my counciling session. My councilor is awesome.

From the get go I was comfortable with her. Just this one session helped me and my husband. We will be doing individual and couples counciling.

I told her everything I could from my childhood listening to my parents fight, to my adolescent age which was filled with depression, my self medicated ways of coping, how therapy helped me for a while but it was talking nothing that made a big impact, to me moving out, my drug phase, my party stage, my complications with my marriage and even what I know from my husbands background...

The conclusion was such, I was codependent, I have depression still, a new found anxiety, and I have a Chameleon personality disorder because deep down I do not know who I am. Me and my husband are suffering from PTSD from traumatic experiences in our childhood/ adolescents to just before our son was born.

We never dealt with those. My husband has anxiety and self medicates with alcohol which is never good. Me and my husband have never faced our issues just swept them and hide them and trained our minds to forget the horrors so we don't have to feel pain. Which only builds more issues and pain.

My husband has control issues and I am used to being a follower. Our wonderful therapist is going to help us cope with our PTSD, help me find who I am, who we are as a couple, and help me become independent and strong.

I'm so happy I found this place and look forward to our weekly sessions. I feel better just from this one session.