Finally a Break through! TAAADAAAA!

We all know I start this out with Hey Lovelies, so I figured I would change it up

Bonjour my Queens and Kings,

No I'm not French but lets face it, who as a child hasn't pretended to be French, or like me, an adult and dreamed of being a part of the french court of King Francis and Queen Mary of Scotland. MMMHMM that was a love story.

Yes you guys though Reign is a historical fiction its such a captivating story and I cried like a baby when King Francis met his horrible fate. I'm dying for it to come back on.

Any whoooo's not to get side tracked. I had another session today with my therapist. We made HUGE breakthrough today....

I found a piece or 2 of who I am. I will be starting a Who Am I? Journal to help further document and keep track of my progress.

First piece I found was my brutal honesty. Which most of you could probably tell or those of my awesome amazing friends who have been supporting me through this blogger journey of mine as I make it into a hit success (don't think I have forgotten you guys), that I am a lot more brutally honest then I used to be. I sweetly say things in my past that were so sugar coated it could put Willy Wonka out of business just so I didn't hurt anyone's feelings and so I could fit in and be friends with everyone.

 (buzzfeed.com)

It left me, truthfully, to no where but in a big ol heaping mess of cow poop. Why.? You did such good by sparing peoples feelings and not making them feel worse then they already do.

Yea but it lead me to feeling so in the "in-crowd" that I found myself getting carried away and talking shit about my best friends and figuring that just because I say "I love them BUT".

NO STOP IT RIGHT THERE..... No Ma'am, No Sir. That does not give you a get of free jail card or pass go. Don't work like that. Or I found myself saying afterwards "but I only told a little bit not everything"..... yet again HELL NO!

I found that if I really loved my friends then I wouldn't say anything at all, or be honest with them "hey you know I love you but if someone asks me an honest question, I will not lie to them, I will give them the honest answer." then it is up to them. Here is my only thing with this, once they say the words "Don't tell anyone any of this, it's just between you and me" guess what...

My answer to those honest questions are as follows "They told me not to tell I said I wouldn't so I'm sorry I cannot say anything, you should ask them yourself" or "They're my friend/You're my friend you got beef or you want to know something find it somewhere else I told them it was just between me and them and I promised them I was there safe haven, I cannot be a part of the feud"

Honest answer. I have been lied to, lied to those I loved, and had trauma and war starting because of a lie. I also know what hiding things from people can bring so it's best to be honest and opened about most things if it pertains to someone else.

Best example: For those who have watched SOA (yes, I know Jax/Charlie Hunnam has an amazing body but looking passed that Greek God of a body, lets focus!)....

I bet that didn't help ;) but your welcome

Remember when Jax kept it from everyone what was going down with him turning himself in, thought best to leave it until everything went down.? Then Gemma being crazy and people making assumptions left to her killing Tara and lying with the help of Juice the lie the told about the Lin Triad being the ones who killed Tara?

How messy that got and how crazy people got.? When all it took was some honesty to fix it all and lives being saved.?

I learned over time that I was done with lies, having to keep up with lies on top of lies, and how mentally draining it is to keep up with the story of the lies I told to keep the one lie going. So for my sake and mental stability. I started telling the brutal honest truth. No matter how much it hurts. I say things respectively but not sugar coat. You don't have to be rude to be honest.

The 2nd piece: I'm a girly girl with some tom boy country tenancies.... or vice versa, depends on how you look at it.

I love skin care, getting my nails done in the semi long coffin shape with color that seems to be trending. The splash part is... I'll own a chevy truck and take it on the dirt, get on a four-wheeler and take my new clothes to get some character on them. I have no problem hunting, and baiting my own hook.

They are parts of me. I won't be letting go of no matter how many likes or dislikes I get about those qualities. I like them and that is all the matters.

 (holidayfeed.com)

New Year, New me.? Naaaahh Better yet New Year, New Conquests

Hey Loves

AHHHH we are only hours away from being another year down for the count. Surprisingly I have seen more "New Year, New Me' jokes and meme's then people actually saying it.

But we all know, who are we kidding, there is in our minds a "New Year, New Me" vibe. Whether it's thinking of one or multiple things you would like to do for the next year.

My accomplishments and my New Years Resolution I set for myself, I can actually say this year I accomplished some of those. Well I gained weight instead of losing it, and nope my house is still messy 90% of the time, I don't have but 5 new items to my wardrobe (but tossed a lot so does that cancel each other out.?)

I graduated college
I got a job for a hospital I love
We moved out on our own
We moved out of our small town (even though it was 45 min away, still it was a baby step)
Got new phones
Paid off our car
Got Disney Seasonal Passes
A new tattoo
Fake Eyelashes and Mastered the art of applying them
I've become more stern and success driven, rather then sitting at home sulking over why I wasn't successful
Somewhat comfortable with the Law of Attraction and how it works
Finally found out who I am as a person... likes, dislikes, what make me sad, happy, angry.
Learned to control my anger and emotions
Most importantly I have been brutally honest just so I didn't have to lie and hurt someone worse then telling the truth.
Weeded most of the ugly negatives out of my life
Started a blog

So many things i have accomplished from my 2015 New Years Resolutions list.

This Year I decided no "New Year, New Me" crap but "New Year, New Conquests". I am finally at peace with who I am and I love who I am at this point in my life. I'm always under construction with myself so there is always room for improvements, but lets face it (here is my brutal honesty)

I have to be successful because I like lavished expensive things and I like junk. I like jacked up trucks and sports cars, 4-wheeler's and a house on 10 acres, I love rescuing animals and giving them a loving home, I love having my nails and hair done, I need massages on a bi-weekly basis, I love to step out of my make up comfort zone, love to dress up and dress down, to spoil my children rotten and give them everything their little hearts desire, to take them to new places, get more tattoos and piercings, change my hair color a dozen times.

In order to do that I have to be successful, I have to be the best me that I can be. Pretty much make up my mind on what I want to do, or change it a million times. Most importantly just do what I want and make me happy. So here is to a New Year with New Successes and Conquests!

Everyone please be safe, party responsibly, don't drink and drive, don't let someone drink and drive. House Party throwers put the keys in a bowl, then hide them,and make up some cots and call up some cabs. Here is to another year let it be better then last year <3 Ladies may your next year be as sharp as your eyeliner, drama be as short as your mini skirts, and as high up as your stilettos ;)

When it all falls down: Recap Session 2

They lovelies,

I have finally slowed down after all the crazy hustle and bustle of the Holiday season.

Work has been swamped since more patients are coming in with heart and chest issues due to the stresses that come with the holidays. So while I have your attention....

Stress is killer! As hard as it is try to make you time in all the crazy holiday decorating and house full or family.

Here is a recap I wasn't able to do about the current situation in my marriage.

My husband and I were able to go in and see my (now our) therapist. We are now in a couples therapy together.

It helped because not only did it put into perspective that when my husband was unfaithful almost 5 years ago it wasn't because of me. It gave me a self relief because the entire time my main questions since it all happened was "What did I do wrong to make him do this?"

Answer was simple I didnt do anything. Everyone has their coping methods of dealing with stress and that just so happened to be my husbands rebellion to growing up and having his world changed from party boy/Hugh Heffner life to daddy and husband life. He was scared.

I can understand that but that fear is still there. In my head. Well fear is a strong word... More like the memory, is burned in the back of my mind.

Bright side was we were able to let a lot of things out that we were scaresd to get out to each other and get things explained to us better. Its easier to understand things and really was able to change the way I see some things and how I'm dealing with current situations. So it definitely helped to get us in there, for now.

We haven't been able to go back yet to see our therapist due to holiday season but she promised to help us, whether that we be together or split, and I'm sort of excited to see what she has in store for us as individuals and as a couple.

Session number 1 complete...

Hey lovelies,

So I just got back from my counciling session. My councilor is awesome.

From the get go I was comfortable with her. Just this one session helped me and my husband. We will be doing individual and couples counciling.

I told her everything I could from my childhood listening to my parents fight, to my adolescent age which was filled with depression, my self medicated ways of coping, how therapy helped me for a while but it was talking nothing that made a big impact, to me moving out, my drug phase, my party stage, my complications with my marriage and even what I know from my husbands background...

The conclusion was such, I was codependent, I have depression still, a new found anxiety, and I have a Chameleon personality disorder because deep down I do not know who I am. Me and my husband are suffering from PTSD from traumatic experiences in our childhood/ adolescents to just before our son was born.

We never dealt with those. My husband has anxiety and self medicates with alcohol which is never good. Me and my husband have never faced our issues just swept them and hide them and trained our minds to forget the horrors so we don't have to feel pain. Which only builds more issues and pain.

My husband has control issues and I am used to being a follower. Our wonderful therapist is going to help us cope with our PTSD, help me find who I am, who we are as a couple, and help me become independent and strong.

I'm so happy I found this place and look forward to our weekly sessions. I feel better just from this one session.

When it all falls down.... how do you build it back up.?

Hey lovelies,

So here is me getting sappy again. I came to a recent realization with my husband.... maybe we are at the end. After 6 years together, 1 of those being marriage, and 3 kids later. We just are not the same. Not that we started out great.

I know a lot of you especially my friends or those who follow my Fb your thinking several things...

I thought you guys were doing amazing.? Well doesn't surprise me look at your past? Well I have know your husband a long time and we all know he was never going to change? Well your past caught up with you Kiera.... or for those who see my vent in my awesome mommy group full of awesome ladies all with similarities to my own, and differences to my own. I respect these women because they different from me and they have so much I can learn from even when I don't always agree with what they have to say.... You need to run as fast as you can and leave him, it's better for you.

Unfortunately I have always been the type of person to shine out my issues and drama rather then shine out my positives.

Maybe it has a lot to do with my depression. Reason I say that is because Therapy helped me so much. Yes a part helped that I was on the generic Prozac too.When I left home at 18 yo I took myself off of 3 years of therapy and antidepressants and replaced it with partying and drinking.

My husband tends to be manipulative and recently been emotionally downing to me. I will not call it abusing because to me its a harsh word. Call me a softie (or worse) for sugar coating that word. But I personally think after therapy classes and psychology classes (I mainly too to help me understand depression and anxiety, since being diagnosed with it it sparked and interest in how the mind works with mental disorders)

People can be abusive and not realize it. Just like people are naturally flirty, or sometimes things can and will slip out of your mouth without you realizing it.

As much as I would love to say I know my husband, I don't. I have no clue what is going on in his head because even though I called a lot of the events before they happened I could have just been inviting that negativity through Law of Attraction.

But I have no clue what my husband has going on in his life stress wise, what he is feeling towards our relationship, what he see's for a future because honestly... and this will sound bad... I don't ask him. When we fight I tell him I don't want to hear about his work day, even though that may be why he is upset, or why he is stressed out. I vent a lot and realized I vent because I don't feel (please any of my friends and family who read this don't take this wrong I mean well I do I love ya'll but this is the truth) like I can trust them. I have had so many people not care, or they have things in their life I don't want to burden them with, or I want a positive response like I give other people, but some people are just plain old negative people, they can say "I'm just being honest" or "I'm a stern person"... I respect those people but I guess I'm just a softie like this, I feel that even if I don't agree and they have such negativity in their life I will not pollute their world anymore then they have already, I will just say wish you the best in life.... call it a day.

Me and my husband's marriage is falling apart. My husband was unfaithful to me in 2011, he knows it was wrong and beats himself up over it. Which is probably part of his problems he doesn't want to face that horrible part of our lives. My fear is stopping me from putting 100% trust into him. He has problems trusting me for me lying. We both got with other people and I lied about who I was with in our break up. But I felt that it was none of his business seeing he was in another relationship. Instead of being honest I did the wrong thing and lied for almost 2 years.

I've heard it all...

I don't see why your with him, You don't respect yourself, Your letting him abuse you, I know your scared but leaving is your best option, I believe in exhausting all your options before you leave, Good luck hope it works out, It's not going to work, Maybe you need to separate, Your setting a bad example for your children. You knew who he was before you married him and married him anyways.

I may get kicked out of my mommy group, and it's mostly my fault for venting, but I got negative comments even when I posted something happy.... SOME OF YOU GUYS ARE NEGATIVE PEOPLE!

If someone needs to vent and say they are having issues why tear them down more and cover up your bitchy attitude with "I'm a stern person" or "I'm just being direct and honest" No... You are being emotionally abusive and not realizing it.Your being a bitch and sugar coating it to your liking. Being honest, stern, direct, and being rude are different. If you cannot tell the difference then I'm sorry you do not need to open your mouth because your the type of person that makes people who feel bad feel worse and your just as bad as an emotional abuser. Your trying to make someone feel horrible or worse. If it's not your decision to make then when a person makes their decision either say good luck to you, or I'll be praying for you.

But once you realize they have nothing nice to say to anyone then you know its not just you they have unresolved issues themselves. I feel that if you make a group that's meant for other mother's to get help or have a safe haven, then the first thing is take the negativity people out of it. Even if that includes me since I vent a lot more then post the positive, but I am in general a negative person most of the time. Blame it on my depression Baby!

There is such a thing as being honest and not being rude. Sure call it sugar coating.

Me and my husband have came up with a plan but mostly it involves working on ourselves before working on us as a couple. We clearly have issues that hit deep down we need to resolve. Taking baby steps is still doing more then the people who troll you on FB waiting to spout a rude comment and tear you down more. What's they saying if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. I'm showing my kids we can co-exists and still be a family while working on ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with that. If it doesn't work it doesn't work, if it does then fantastic, I'm at the point in my life where my business is out there when I want it. Help is no longer help because people you vent to either don't care or love the rise they get from "telling you like it is" which is childish and petty.

This post is the kick off to how to build things back up when they have been torn down completely. It's hard to do that when you have no clue where to start. My first step is I had a long brutally honest and emotional conversation. I gave him every emotion I had and even when it hurt him I was honest (but polite about it). I set up an appointment for me to see a therapist. There is something in me I need to figure out, I am not even sure who I am anymore so how do I expect to fix my marriage. I went from living with my parents and having rules, to living in a house with my boyfriend and becoming a mom. I never ventured out single with no kids, lived by myself, and tried to figure out who I was before going from a child living under someones rules to being a parent and being a wife. Who am I?

This is day 1. I will be posting after my therapy session today on what my session opened my eyes to. Please do not think that it's stupid to talk to someone, or there is lost hope, or nothing they can do. They are professional and here to help you figure out what is going on and understand what you want and who you are when you can't focus. This is step 1 on this bumpy crazy journey. Continue to see how my plans unravel. Will it work.? Will it not work.? Let's see shall we...

builttoinspire.com

Latest Music Artist You Don't Want To Miss...

Hey Lovelies,

Lets take a moment here and think of all the music artists you love listening to.

You got them in mind? Great!

Now what is it about that artist that you love? Is it the genre of music? The beat's of their songs? Was it just love at first listen and it stuck with you? Or your like me and at first you really don't think you like it so you have to play it another 3 times and eventually you find that being the ONLY song you listen to for a month.

Do you love the lyrics? Do they say something that your feeling or have been through.? Maybe the artist is just extremely drop dead gorgeous with a voice that is even more gorgeous?

What ever it may be, I have one person that anyone could like. I'm saying this because even my husband likes a song or 2 of his. My 5yo and 3 year old hum his tunes and sing along with the songs on youtube. My (almost) 1 year old claps and screams YAY, during his songs.

Do I have your attention yet? Fantastic

Oh yea did I mention he is on the drop dead gorgeous with and even amazing voice category I mentioned earlier?

It's Mr. Kane Brown.

I follow about every social media account of his because I want to be updated on his new singles coming out, new music videos, anything new he has coming out.

Well he aint so bad to look at either in them selfies lol ;)

But his music is just so touching, emotional, and honestly not to sound like a crazy person but I usually have it on repeat in my office because it helps me think. Not really sure why maybe because it's fresh, its catchy, and honestly I have been through the same things he sings about. His lyrics really speak to me.

I would listen to it even if I never knew what he looked like. He has a deep calming voice that literally sent chills down my spine. A lot like Josh Turner and Brantley Gilbert's voice does when I hear their songs.

This artist you are not going to want to miss. I wish I could take the vacation time to go and see him perform in person but unfortunately money needs to be made so I can spend it at a show lol hello who doesn't love concert T-Shirts and especially the beer.?

No matter what words I put together, it just can't describe the amazingness (not that that is a real word but for him I'll use it he is just that freaking awesome!) that you have to experience it yourself.

You can catch him on IG (kanebrown_music), Facebook, or Twitter to

Last note if you haven't seen it already, you'll thank me for this..... The music video for "I Used To Love You Sober"

Don't forget to get you some Kane Brown music. Can be purchased through Amazon, Google Play Store, and Itunes.

Go and check him out you won't be disappointed ;)

My Energico has been tampered with... it now goes by the name Paranoia

Hey loves,

So I am going to get a little deep and a little personal.

I am one who believes in energies, gut feelings, and that sense of just knowing when something is wrong. It never let me down before up until 2011.

I love my husband dearly so please do not get the wrong idea from this post. Me and Chris haven't had the best relationship in the little over 6 years we have been together. We got together in the worst and most weird circumstances.

When I first started coming around him was when I was a Sophomore in high school. My boyfriend and Chris were best friends and that's the first time we ever met. It was no more then a simple 2 letter word...Hi. I would go around his house when he was incarcerated, up until me and my boyfriend at the time split. Yes.... my husband is a bad boy type. Which I was very much attracted too but at the time I didn't even remember his name.

2 years later I met him again. This time we spoke more then a 2 letter word. I thought he was cute but he had to be the cheesiest, most dorky, and scrawny guy I have ever met. His first sentence was "Who are these pretty ladies in my living room". Originally me, a friend of mine, and her cousin wanted to go see someone we knew very well which so happened to be Chris brother, and my ex was there. Later I got a text from Chris. Of course like I said I didn't even remember who he was lol I went up to talk to him and according to my husband we kissed but I don't really remember it.... Sorry hunny.

I ended up turning Chris away and it was more of an attempt to rekindle an old flame. That flame blew up in my face when my ex revealed his new flame to me. So as a revenge I figured to spark it up with his best friend. Yes I know I was 18 and at the time it seems I was not in my right mind... now it makes perfect sense. From the time we hooked up my feelings were instantly wrapped around Chris. My world was turned upside down and for some reason.... I had to have him. He was a drug and I was hooked.

In the years to come Chris has cheated, lied, left, drug me to hell and back, completely tore down everything I was as a person and here I am.... completely remade (not in a bad way I'm not a push over anymore and what others say about me has no affect, I am calmer, and more head strong. Most importantly I am strong and independent) I was left a single mother, pregnant even though I had the IUD birth control in, ended up dealing with a miscarriage on my own, at 19 years old. No job, No car, only education I had was my high school diploma. No matter what he did, I still let him back every time just for him to leave.

The final time he came back he stayed. We are here now 3 years later. for the longest time I would keep him at arms length. I let him back in my home but not completely in my heart. Just my guts and bones told me he needed to be there with me. I had to give him another chance.

We have come such a long way and are still going. We have 3 children, are married, and for the most part we are doing great. Everything is looking up but I have my moments where I swear he will be up to his old tricks with some little trick even though I have no proof he was. It will end up taking something so simple and making into why I think he is being unfaithful again when all it was work related. It eats me up so bad because I swear its my gut feeling and its telling me something but it's nothing but a serious case of Paranoia.

And it's killer! I have ruined surprises because I just don't react well to surprises anymore.

I love my husband. For the last 3 years he has been faithful, loving, caring, great father, romantic. We still have our bickers and stupid arguments. I'm for the most part happy and love who I share my home with. He is my other half no matter what he has done. I have never been 100% an angel myself.

Severe Paranoia can feel like a gut feeling. Through all this I noticed a difference while laying in bed one night....

Paranoia eats you alive. It can and will turn you into a raving lunatic. It will consume you and nag at you in the worse way possible. It's a maybe.

Gut feeling will be precise, it's a "I know" not a maybe. It wont make you scared or guess anything because you just simply know. You don't need proof. Not all gut feelings are good of course.

But I am also a firm believer in The Law of Attraction.... what you think and dwell on with manifest. You keep thinking that same thing over and over and concentrating your energy on it, the Universe will give you what your asking for.

Keep positive my lovelies. I am still working on it a little myself. It's won't happen overnight but you got to start somewhere, why not start right now. Get rid of the unhealthy thoughts and negative energies. Your life is what you make it. Try not to exhaust yourself and drive yourself nuts. Sometimes your gut feeling is nothing but paranoia. You have to take a step back and clearly think about it. <3

Stay beautiful and positive :)